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Aaaaargh Disaster Strikes

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Indeed. A mega disaster of hugemongus proportions has befallen me. This is the sort of disastrous thing that when it happens there is nothing else that could happen that would or could match the seriousness of said disaster. I will try and explain in words below, without smudging the words with tear stains.

It all happened in a fleeting moment of neglect on my part although I didn’t do it on purpose so don’t blame me. (ok blame me as I was the only one there and had no one else to blame it on or shout at at the time) (and there was a lot of shouting of the not good kind went on, believe me)I was at the top of my ladder trying to hang a very awkward piece of wallpaper. I had all the equipment I needed with me to hand, papering brush / damp cloth / paper smoothing tool / trimming knife. After a lot of grunting and groaning and sweating and heavy breathing I managed to get the piece of wallpaper in position. All smoothed out with the paper smoothing tool and the excess paste wiped off with the damp cloth and then brushed firm. All I needed to do was trim the paper. No problem, I had my trusty trimming knife at hand. I trimmed the paper and brushed it again just for good measure. Then it happened. Disaster. My knife fell off the ladder tool tray and hit the floor. I heard a crack but thought nothing of it. That is until I got down off the ladder and picked my knife up. Then I noticed that the blade was snapped. No problem, as this was one of those retractable knives with a snap off blade. It was just a question of sliding the blade up to expose a new one. Then I noticed a wee tiny piece of plastic lying on the floor. Upon inspection I realised that it was part of the slide mechanism for my knife. Double Disaster. Why? I will tell you in the next paragraph after I shed another tear and blow the snuffles away. This is really too hard for me to go on with but for the benefit of providing entertainment for you lot I feel that I must. Here goes.

The knife in question is no ordinary run of the mill trimming knife. This is a Stanley Gold Plated slim snap blade knife. Why Gold Plated? I hear you all ask. It is gold Plated for a very good reason. When I was in the retail tool trade many years ago I was presented with this Gold Plated knife to commemorate me selling so many Stanley Tools in my shop. I had just become a 5 Star Dealer (which was a big thing in those days) and the MD of Stanley tools presented me with this knife. It has been my favourite trimming knife ever since. It has helped me decorate two houses at least twice over. I have had it now for at least 25 years, maybe longer. And now it is broken. I am going to go out and see if I can purchase a knife similar to it so that I can rob the slide out of it. Yes, I do get very attached to inanimate objects especially one that has served me so well in the past.

Apart from this major disaster the decorating is coming to a home run now. I am just about to start papering the stairwell and landing. Job done. Although there was an incident the other day. My brother paid me a visit and he walked from the front door to the lounge and sat down. (I was taking a rest from hanging wallpaper at the time) I said to him ‘Well what do you think of the paper?’ He replied quite candidly, ‘What paper?’ I was taken aback at this comment. After all my hard work over the past couple of weeks he says this. I had to take him back out into the hall and point at the walls. He said it was nice. NICE! I want more than nice. I want wonderful, excellent, brilliant , fantastic, super and other such adjectives. Not just nice. Then again maybe I am expecting too much for my handiwork.

Other things that have happened this week. My next door neighbour (whom I don’t exactly see eye to eye with) got a skip delivered the other day. He was getting rid of his garden rubbish and other stuff. I went out and helped him fill it with my rubbish (although he wasn’t aware of this as it was done under cover of darkness) It saved me a trip to the dump anyway.

We, our family, are invited to a wedding this week. It is my sister in laws wedding and we are all wondering how the day will turn out. It is going to be a marriage ceremony at the Town Hall with the Registrar followed by a blessing at the Church followed by the best bit of any wedding. The reception. Now this reception is certainly going to be different to any other that we have ever attended. Why? Because it’s going to be held in a Chinese restaurant. One of those where you can eat as much as or as little as you wish. It doesn’t matter because you pay the same price anyway. I’m looking forward to it just for that if not anything else. (I am looking forward to the actual wedding as well just in case you were wondering) I will let you know in the next blog if there were any mishaps, family arguments / fights / drunkenness etc etc

Comments on any of the above always welcome. Should you have experienced something similar with an inanimate object that you have treasured for a long time please let us all know. All other gack please let us know by hitting the title bar above. Go on, don’t be shy.

Happy Easter Eggs

Posted :: Monday 4/5/2010 10:13:00 AM

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